XANDER: I don't know, I was going for ferocious, scary, but it's coming out more dryly sardonic.
WILLOW: It does appear to be mocking you with its eye holes.
OZ: The nose hole seems to be sad and full of self-loathing.
BUFFY: I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others. Then someone comes along, cuts you open and rips your guts out.
XANDER: People, prepare to have your spines tingles, your gooses bumped by the terrifying... Fantasia! Fantasia?!
OZ: Maybe it's because of all the horrific things we've seen, but hippoes wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to.
XANDER: There's a party?
WILLOW: We didn't tell you?
XANDER: No, it's cool. You guys got your little college thing. I'm fine. I mean, I've got better things to do than tag along to some fraternity.
WILLOW: You can come.
XANDER: Okay! But only because I lied about having better things to do.
WILLOW: She didn't even touch her pumpkin. It's a freak with no face.
XANDER: Bailing on the Buffy. Does anyone else want to smack that guy?
[They all raise their hands.]
WILLOW: I've got the basics down - levitation, charms, glamors. I just feel like I've plateaued wicca-wise.
BUFFY: What's the next level?
WILLOW: Transmutation, conjuring, bringing forth something from nothing. Gets pretty close to the primal forces. A little scary.
BUFFY: Well, no one's pushing. You know, if it's too much don't do it.
WILLOW: Don't do it? What kind of encouragment is that?
BUFFY: This is an encouragment talk? I thought it was 'share my pain.'
WILLOW: I don't know. Then again, what is college for if not experimenting? You know, maybe I can handle it. I'll know when I?ve reached my limit.
OZ: Wine coolers
BUFFY: Magic.
OZ: Ooh, you didn't encourage her, did you?
WILLOW: Where's supportive boyfriend guy?
OZ: He's picking up your dry cleaning, but he told me to tell you that he's afraid you?re gonna get hurt.
GILES: Happy Halloween! Hello, Buffy.
BUFFY: Oh. My. God.
GILES: It's a sombrero.
BUFFY: And it's on your head.
GILES: It seemed festive. Um, come in. Candy?
BUFFY: What's going on here? You hate Halloween.
GILES: I never said any such a thing. As my Watcher's duties took precedence, I simply haven't taken time to, well, to embrace its inherent charms until now. [Turns on a Frankenstein monster decoration hanging from the ceiling.] Look, look! It's aliiiiive! See how he shakes?
GILES: Creatures of the night shy away form Halloween. They find it all much too crass.
BUFFY: Hard to believe.
XANDER: Anya! You really have to get this knocking thing down. How did you-?
ANYA: Your uncle Rory let me in. Does he always smell like peppermint?
XANDER: The man likes his schnapps. What are you doing here?
ANYA: You haven't called. Not once.
XANDER: You said you were over me.
ANYA: And you accepted that? I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear.
XANDER: That's the funny thing about me, I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value.
ANYA: That's stupid.
XANDER: I accept that. I can't say seeing you falls into the realm of a bad thing.
ANYA: Really? I thought maybe we could go out tonight. For our anniversary.
XANDER: Anniversary?
ANYA: It's been exactly one week since we copulated. Did you forget?
XANDER: Oh, no, of course not. It's just I already have plans with Buffy, Willow and Oz. It's Halloween, you know.
ANYA: I don't understand.
XANDER: Well, every October 31st, we mortals dress up in masks...
ANYA: No, no. I understand that inane ritual.
XANDER: If you want you can come with me tonight to this party.
ANYA: You mean like a date? Is that what this is? Are we dating?
XANDER: There are definitely date-like qualities at work here. Oh, you'll need a costume.
ANYA: A costume?
XANDER: Dress up, you know. Something scary.
ANYA: Scary how?
XANDER: Anya, you ex-demon, terrorized mankind for centuries. I'm sure you'll come up with something.
RILEY: Halloween isn't a night for responsibility. It's when the ghosts and goblins come out.
BUFFY: That's actually a misnomer.
OZ: Mi casio es su casio.
XANDER: Ooh, grapes! Wow, peeled. You guys know how to spoil your guests.
FRAT GUY: Eyeballs, man. Blindfold chicks and have them stick their hands in the bowl and tell them it's eyeballs. They love that.
XANDER: And here I was wasting time buying them flowers and complimenting them on their shoes.
XANDER: You're sensing a disturbance in the force, master?
OZ: The left speaker is crackling a little bit.
XANDER: And you feel stabbing it is the proper solution?
BUFFY: Oh no. Someone is getting nostalgic face.
JOYCE: I'm sorry. I'm thinking about the little girl who wore that. What is it? Five? Six years ago?
BUFFY: Yeah. Little Red Riding Hood was the cutting edge in costumes.
JOYCE: Your father loved to take you out.
BUFFY: He was such a pain! 12 years old and I can't go trick-or-treating by myself?
JOYCE: He just wanted to keep you safe.
BUFFY: No, he wanted the candy. I was just the beard.
JOYCE: Oh that's not tru actually. The candy was for me.
WILLOW: And if Parker shows up we just ax-murder him. That's Halloweeny!
XANDER: Hey Red. What you got in the basket, little girl?
BUFFY: Weapons.
XANDER: Oh.
BUFFY: Just in case. Like the tux, Xander.
XANDER: Bond. James Bond. Insurance, you know, in case we get turned into our costumes again. I'm going for cool, secret agent guy.
BUFFY: I hate to break it to you, but you'll probably end up cool head waiter guy.
XANDER: As long as I'm cool and weild some kind of power.
WILLOW: I'm Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how I was almost burned at the stake, and plus she had that close relationship with God.
XANDER: Of course. I wish I'd thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could have been God.
OZ: Blasphemer.
XANDER: Oh, yeah, I, ah, invited Anya to join us, but she's having some trouble finding a scary costume, so she's just going to meet us there.
BUFFY: Perfect, everybody's got a date but third wheel Buffy.
WILLOW: You're not a third wheel.
XANDER: Technically speaking you're a fifth wheel.
BUFFY: If I were Abbott and Costello this would be fairly traumatic.
[A plastic skeleton jumps out at Xander with a knife.]
XANDER: I wasn't scared, I was in the spirit.
WILLOW: And we back you up on that. Even if they question us separately.
BUFFY: Thank the Lord!
OZ: You're welcome.
WILLOW: Hey, I have a neat idea, let's get out of here!
OZ: Cowering in a closet is starting to seem like a reasonable plan.
ANYA: Are you listening? Xander is trapped!
GILES: And ah, Buffy and the others?
ANYA: The're trapped too. But we've got to save Xander!
BUFFY: Conjuring. Will, let's be realistic here. Okay, your basic spells are usually only fifty-fifty.
WILLOW: Yeah, well, so's your face!
XANDER: There I am. I didn't go anywhere. Now I just have to live with the fact that no one can see me.
SEVERED HEAD: I can see you.
GILES: We're going to have to create a door.
ANYA: Create a door? You can do that?
GILES: [Pulling our a chainsaw.] I can.
BUFFY: We're not okay. We need to get out of here.
XANDER: I'd offer my opinion but you jerks aren't gonna hear it anyway. Not that 'didn't go to college?' boy has anything important to say. I might as well hang out my new best friend, bleeding dummy head, for all you dorks care.
BUFFY: What is wrong with you?
XANDER: You heard that? You can see me? Good. Oh God, good!
XANDER: If we close our eyes and say it's a dream it'll stab us to death! These things are real.
XANDER: Giles? Everyone, it's Giles! With a chainsaw!
GILES: Destroying the mark of Gachnar-
[Buffy destroys the mark of Gachnar.]
GILES: Is not one of them and will in fact immediately bring forth the fear demon itself.
[Gachnar appears, he's very tiny.]
BUFFY: This is Gachnar?
XANDER: Big overture, little show.
GACHNAR: I am the dark lord of nightmares! The bringer of terror! Tremble before me. Fear me!
WILLOW: He, he's so cute!
GACHNAR: Tremble!
XANDER: Who's a little fear demon. Come on, who's a little fear demon!
GILES: Xander, don't taunt the demon.
XANDER: Why? Can he hurt me?
GILES: No. It's just tacky. Be that as it may, Buffy, when it comes to slaying-
BUFFY: Size doesn't matter?
GACHNAR: They're all going to abandon you, you know.
BUFFY: Yeah, yeah.
[Buffy stomps on Gachnar with her foot, killing him.]
BUFFY: There is no problem that's can't be solved with chocolate.
WILLOW: I think I'm gonna barf.
BUFFY: Excep that.
ANYA: What?
XANDER: That's your scary costume?
ANYA: Bunnies frighten me.
GILES: Oh bloody hell! The inscription!
BUFFY: What's the matter.
GILES: I should have translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.
BUFFY: What's it say?
GILES: Actual size.